It's Painful
by valele
Summary: Whoever said love was painful was dead right. One-shot.


Well, look at that

**Well, look at that. Another fic I dug up from the dark depths of my computer. Enjoy!**

Whoever said love is painful was dead right. I keep trying to figure out how I got into this, but no matter how much I think about it, I can't. Whenever I see him just sitting there, playing with my brother, talking to my dad, or anything, it seems hard to believe we're not actually dating.

You know the expression gut-wrenching? Well, instead of gut, it's heart, but other than that, the feeling's pretty much the same. The feeling I get when I see him, I mean. It's just that we make so much sense! I don't even know how to explain it… Jeez, just talking about him instantly transforms me into some brainless chick.

I've only had a crush this big once before, and I swear, I could see myself freakin' marrying the guy. This isn't as bad, but I can really picture him fitting in with my family, getting along with my parents, staying over for dinner… Basically, the boyfriend I've always wanted and never had.

But of course, there's an obstacle. Whoa, that's an understatement. There's a girlfriend in the way! I mean, it's not like I'm the other woman, or like we've ever done anything that's more than friends-ish. Because, really, that's all we are.

He said he was going to break up with her. A while ago, in fact. And when I asked what then, he said we'd date. I said no, and I was very proud of myself for that, but now I'm reaching such levels of desperation, I think that if you asked me, I'd date him right away.

Or at least, that's what I though. Until he actually broke up with her, and asked me if I wanted to go out with him.

I looked at him, analyzed him, took in everything about him I liked; his curious eyes, his mischievous smile, the soft tone his voice took whenever he talked to me… It was always hard, just being his friend. It took all my willpower not to hug him, and being in small, enclosed spaces, like his car, are extremely nerve-wrecking.

"I thought you weren't sure about it," I said, still surprised. Was this the same guy who put off breaking up with his girlfriend for several weeks?

"Well, I'm still having some trouble with it." He said, looking down.

"Then… Why? How could it work?" My heart was racing; it felt like even he could hear it pounding from where he sat.

"It just feels right, you know?" He looks up, his eyes meeting mine. Once again I go weak in the knees, just as every time we make eye contact.

How can it feel right if he just broke up with her? How can I know it's not just rebound, and he might break up with me tomorrow, or a week after, just because he wasn't really sure of his feelings? How can I put so much on the line when the option I'm going for isn't very stable?

I've been through so many emotions in the last minute that no pregnant woman could ever compare. I really like him, but do I like him enough to risk being heartbroken? I know he's not out to break my heart, but that is, in the end, what would happen if this doesn't work out. What am I supposed to do?

This isn't a movie; I can't just kiss him and expect him to suddenly change his mind. Even if I did, how can I know it isn't his confusion telling him something that might not be?

I got out of the car, and leaned against it. A second later, I hear his door open, and his voice asking if something's wrong.

"I can't do this," I said. "I can't go into a relationship with you if you don't even know how you feel about me. I just can't risk that much if there isn't much of a possibility, you know?"

"No, I don't." He looks confused as he says this, so I try to think of a better way to explain it.

"I just don't think it would work if you don't know if you don't like me… I mean, it's hard enough as it is, being friends with you when I like you so much, spending so much time with you when it feels like I'm not even allowed to hug you or kiss you, and to top it all off, you don't even know how you feel about me? That wouldn't work; it'd be a bad idea. You could break my heart, we could ruin our friendship, there's just too much at stake here, and I don't know if I wanna risk all that." I look at him after avoiding his glance the entire time I was talking, only to find him laughing. Laughing! After I pour my heart out, he's laughing?

"What is _wrong _with you?" I shriek. He stops laughing suddenly, and looks at me apologetically. I move away from his car, from him, from everything I just said, but he follows me anyway. I hear my name being called over and over, but my frustration and my anger are too overpowering to just stop. He grabs my arm and spins me around, forcing me to look at him. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because this is a huge misunderstanding. When you asked me if I wasn't sure about this, I thought you meant the break up. Of course I'm sure of how I feel about you; do you really think I'd go into a relationship with you if I wasn't?"

I'm about to try to break free when I feel his lips on mine, and instantly, it's all gone. There's no anger there, no frustration, just the feeling of him kissing me, of his arm around my waist. My hands make their way to his neck, and I can't believe this is happening.

I pull away, slowly, and start to form a question when he kisses me again. It's then I realize I don't have anything to ask, and that I don't want to do anything but kiss him. It's a wonderful thing, this whole love thingamajig.

**Who is it? It's your pick, really. I always saw them as Caitlyn and Shane, Tess being the girlfriend, but you can pick whoever you think fits best, and tell me who you thought it was?**


End file.
